translated from Spanish: Climbing in breeding trap: what is and how to avoid it

in the upbringing of children, any well intentioned parent may fall into certain «traps». Without some kind of correction, they can become patterns that are increasingly more difficult to break. Think of it as a quicksand: you will absorb little by little until you stay stagnant.
But, if you weapons with good information, it is less likely that you feel tempted by the initial charm of the trap, and is more likely to recognize it as it happens. In this article you will learn the most common breeding trap: the trap of the escalation.
The trap of climbing can happen in two different ways. The first is when the child scale. Perhaps your child wants something: a chocolate bar or playing a video game. Say you: «No, the lunch is almost ready» or «No, already were long time playing». The child responds with whining, beggars or even a tantrum, and it keeps doing this until you’re worn out and finally cedes, thinking that you will do anything to stop whining.
What your child learned is that the way in which get candy or play time is becoming stronger, having a bigger tantrum, more whining, crying more. This learning increases the chances that the next time you find a "not" and feel frustrated, probably try the same strategy again.
The trap of escalation also occurs in the other direction. Sometimes it is the child who teaches a parent you will obey only once will intensify the father. The classic example is where you say: «Okay, kids, it time to go to eat». They are watching TV and do nothing. So a few minutes later come back and you say, a little stronger: «I said that it is time to come to dinner!». Perhaps say, «Okay in a few minutes», but a few minutes later they are not on the table. The third time you are visibly angry, and ask them to go to dinner, probably shouting, and that’s when they finally go to sit. They know that they really don’t have to move until you lift the voice.
The problem here is that you are learning that the only way to get to what you want to do is screaming. And your children are learning that the first time you say something really there. MOM or dad actually do not speak seriously unless they shout.
What do avoid climbing requires cling to your guns and keep calm it while you do it. If you said that, not at the request of a child, your goal is to ignore the behavior to achieve change your opinion. It is not easy, but it is an investment to reduce that behavior in the future. When the Child Act to stop and return to play in silence or to speak in a calm tone of voice, get ready to congratulate him: «I like the way in which you calmaste» or «is very nice when I talk this way».
The same is true if you are making a request and your son is ignoring you. You can repeat your request once, but without increasing the tone of voice, and let him know that a consequence will follow if they don’t have a case: «I said that it is time to dine; If you don’t you’ll lose 10 minutes of television after dinner». And when they meet, get ready with praise.
Remember to make it work you must meet the notice if they ignore you and not only meet the threat. Otherwise what you will learn is that you not speak seriously.

Poured in this op-ed content is the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect the editorial line nor the counter position.

Original source in Spanish

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