Session 46. We depend on our Objects

I greet you with pleasure as every week, to follow up on the topic that we have been dealing with in the previous sessions. You can find the past writings on the website of Periódico el Debate or, in my social networks @Miguel Ángel Avilés.
Regarding the last session, I was asked why the insistence on talking about the mother and the relationship of the baby with the breast. In this regard I would like to recall that we are leading ourselves along the theoretical path of Object relations, and that precisely this column bears the name of one of the texts of a great psychoanalytic expositor who bequeaths us a profound theoretical development in this line. Melanie Klein (30/03/1882-22/09/1960†). That said, it is important to point out that, as psychoanalytic psychotherapists, we know from the theory, even more, we verify it in the consultation every day, that it is the first experiences of the baby, we would say with Spitz, during the first year of life of the same, which leave a deep mark on his psyche and that will accompany him the rest of his life. This is how these Object relations are built and internalized. To think that we refer to the chest, as a specific organ, or as a physiological anatomical component, would be to be limited by a concrete thought that, dare I say, blame for resistance, acts difficult for us to fully understand these concepts, which are distorted, and misunderstood, conveniently. In short, here we are talking about aspects that are real, but that tend to the symbolic and the unconscious.
But, what could we understand when we talk about Object relationship. Well, just the mode of relationship of the subject with his world. Parents as Objects that help control libidinal and aggressive drives live within the individual. Remember that last week we said that the mother feeding the child and taking care of him helps calm his impetus? So to speak, it helps you regulate yourself. To control your impulses. We also said that as these experiences of frustration and satisfaction occur, the world will be colored for the baby and will gradually internalize this experience as the reality of his external and internal world. Once the Object has been internalized, it is expressed either in the relationship with itself or with those around it. Hence we have been saying, that our adult relationships are influenced by our early relationships. From there and then being babies in the mother’s womb and later in her arms at birth; to our present, in the arms of our partners, chosen also based on our early experiences and our Objects. Does it cause us so much anguish to depend? Now we see that it is not so much the dependence itself, as if it were a disease to which the cure must be sought. What happens is that dependence puts us in touch with our first experiences of love, rejection, care or abandonment. Here it applies for example to say: Everyone speaks, as it goes at the fair. Everyone manages their love relationships, according to their Object relationships.
In the end, we are all dependent, but not everyone will be distressed by recognizing it, because according to the experience of each one, it is not the same to depend on an internalized good Object, which from within accompanies, protects and gives security, than to depend on a partial, bad object, which pursues, punishes or damages. Have you decided to start your analytical experience to find out?
Until next week. Peace and good †

Original source in Spanish